February 24
Taking Fear Seriously
When someone admits being afraid, our first impulse may be to reassure them quickly. It will be fine. There is nothing to worry about. We want to help, and their fear makes us uncomfortable. Yet we may be promising something we cannot know while hurrying past the part they most needed to say.
Our own acquaintance with fear can teach us to listen with more respect. We remember that confident advice did not always reach us, especially when nobody had asked what we dreaded. The other person may need practical help, a quiet companion, or the chance to speak without being corrected. We need not join every prediction in order to take the distress seriously. Fear has done enough damage when it has made us controlling or harsh. Its memory might now make us more patient with a person whose trouble we cannot remove. We are allowed to offer presence without offering certainty.
How does my own experience of fear affect the way I hear someone else's?
I am listening, even where I have no reassurance to give.
For the A.A. nerds: As Bill Sees It, No. 22, “Fear as a Steppingstone.”