March 12
The Bargain Underneath
We would like to stop losing our temper. We might be less eager to lose the quick obedience that sometimes follows an outburst. The room gets quiet, the argument ends, and everyone becomes careful around us. Later we regret the damage. Still, part of us remembers that anger got a result. That private benefit can make our prayer for change a little more complicated than it first sounds.
Readiness includes seeing what we would be giving up. Without intimidation, we may have to explain ourselves, tolerate disagreement, or hear an answer we cannot change. Those are real adjustments. We can ask God for willingness while admitting that the old method still attracts us. Such honesty brings the bargain into view: we have wanted the relief of being easier to live with while keeping the power that makes living with us difficult.
What benefit am I reluctant to surrender along with a behavior I regret?
God, this is where my willingness stands.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Six.