January 19
The Feeling Afterward
We finally have the conversation we have been avoiding. It goes reasonably well, but afterward we still feel exposed, irritated, or afraid. This seems wrong. Surely doing the right thing should bring relief. We begin wondering whether we made a mistake, mainly because the feeling we hoped to earn has not arrived.
Willingness does not always come with a pleasant receipt. New conduct can disturb old arrangements, including the ways we have protected ourselves from discomfort. There may be something to learn from how the conversation went, but our unsettled mood cannot settle that question by itself. Another alcoholic may help us distinguish a genuine concern from the soreness of acting differently. We can bring both to God without demanding an immediate change in feeling. The action can have been honest and worthwhile while our insides take their own time to become quiet.
What am I expecting a right action to make me feel?
Relief is allowed to arrive later.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Three, pp. 40–41.