December 30
What Is Actually Needed
We arrive ready to give a thoughtful talk, but someone needs directions to the meeting. We have experience to share, but they are trying to find a ride home. The help in our mind may be more interesting to us than the need in front of us. It takes a small adjustment to stop preparing our contribution long enough to discover what would actually be useful.
A.A.'s service can be very practical. Listening to the need does not obligate us to supply everything requested; we have limits, and some help belongs elsewhere. It does keep us from treating another person as an occasion for the kind of giving we prefer. Maybe a brief answer is enough. Maybe we know someone better placed to help. There is a certain freedom in letting usefulness be determined by the situation instead of by our wish to make a memorable contribution. The person gets to remain more important than our prepared response.
What might I notice if I set aside the help I had planned to offer?
Directions might be plenty for this moment.
For the A.A. nerds: The A.A. Service Manual, Appendix A, “A.A.’s Legacy of Service,” p. 95; Alcoholics Anonymous, “Working With Others,” p. 89.