December 18
Letting Them Be Different
A family member does not pray as we do. A friend has no interest in the book that means so much to us. We can feel disappointed, especially when recovery has given us something we urgently want them to understand. The wish to share it is natural. The trouble begins when agreement with our spiritual language becomes a condition of being close to us.
The Big Book is plain about not pressing spiritual principles on family members who have not asked for them. That leaves us plenty to practice ourselves. We can be considerate of someone whose beliefs remain different, without quietly waiting for them to catch up. They may already have qualities we need to learn. Love does not require a shared vocabulary for everything that matters. The change another person experiences in our company may tell them more than our most persuasive account of how that change came about.
Where am I asking someone to adopt my explanation before I fully respect their experience?
Their beliefs remain theirs.
For the A.A. nerds: Alcoholics Anonymous, “Into Action,” p. 83.