December 16
The Mistake During the Trouble
Being under strain can explain a sharp remark without making it harmless. We may have genuine reasons to be frightened, exhausted, or distracted. The person we snapped at may even understand them. Still, something happened between us that deserves attention. It is easy to postpone that attention until the larger difficulty is over, as though we cannot afford one more admission right now.
A small repair need not become an indictment of how we are coping. We can say that we spoke unfairly and leave the entire story of our suffering out of the apology. Step Ten offers a way to keep a hard season from accumulating unnecessary distance. We will not carry every difficulty gracefully. When we stumble, the willingness to acknowledge it keeps help and affection more accessible. The larger problem may remain exactly as it was, but another person need not keep wondering whether our anger was their fault.
What small repair is possible even while the larger trouble remains unresolved?
An apology does not have to wait for easier circumstances.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Ten, pp. 91, 93–95.