September 24
Coming From Them
We might have liked the suggestion if someone else had made it. Coming from this person, it sounds pushy, impractical, or suspiciously self-serving. Before we have considered the idea, we have remembered three reasons to distrust its author. Those memories may contain real experience. They may also be doing all our thinking for us.
Principles before personalities leaves room to consider both the proposal and what we know about the person. It does not ask us to forget harmful conduct or hand someone our confidence. It asks whether irritation has made a decision before judgment had a chance. An imperfect messenger may have noticed something useful. We can acknowledge that particular contribution without endorsing everything they do. The uncomfortable part may be allowing them to be right while the rest of our feelings remain unresolved.
What would I think of this suggestion without the familiar voice attached?
One useful idea need not settle the whole relationship.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Tradition Twelve; Twelve Concepts for World Service, Concept IX.