June 20
The Principle in My Pocket
We reach for an A.A. principle during an argument, and it fits beautifully. Unfortunately, it fits what the other person ought to do. Acceptance, honesty, humility: we can explain all three with impressive clarity when someone else's conduct is under discussion. Our own sharpness seems beside the point because the principle we are defending is so important.
A sound principle does not become unsound because we have used it badly. It may need to be brought closer to home. Step Ten gives us a way to examine the manner in which we have presented a truth, without requiring us to pretend the underlying issue does not matter. Perhaps an apology for contempt belongs alongside a continuing disagreement. That combination is less satisfying than being entirely right, but it is more honest. The literature offers help for our lives, including the moment we use it to put somebody else in their place.
How is the principle I am defending asking something of my own conduct?
My tone belongs in the inventory too.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Ten.