June 7
Quiet or Cut Off?
An evening alone may be exactly what we need. There is pleasure in a quiet meal, a book, or a walk without explaining ourselves to anyone. Solitude does not have to be defended as a recovery practice. Still, we may recognize another kind of evening alone, when the phone stays untouched because we do not want anyone asking how we are.
The outward arrangement is the same; our willingness to be reached is different. Rest often leaves us more available for life. Withdrawal can make the next conversation seem harder and our private conclusions more certain. We need not judge every quiet spell or force company upon ourselves. It may help simply to notice whether there is someone who knows the truth about our present difficulty. Independence becomes lonely work when it means being the only witness, adviser, and comforter in a situation that has already become too much for one person.
What distinguishes needed solitude from withdrawal in my life?
The phone need not stay out of reach.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Twelve, discussion of isolation and fellowship.