June 4
The Decision Already Made
By the time we mention a big decision, we have arranged most of it. The conversation sounds like a request for advice, but there is little left to influence. If a friend raises a concern, we explain why it is too late. We have included someone in the announcement and mistaken that for including them in our thinking.
Independence allows us to make our own decisions. It also leaves us free to seek help before our choices become difficult to change. Early consultation can feel exposing because an idea is still unfinished and someone might redirect it. That is precisely when another perspective can do useful work. We need not turn our life over to a committee or ask permission for ordinary choices. We might simply let one trusted person hear the question while it is still a question. Then their experience has a chance to contribute something beyond congratulations or concern.
When do I usually let other people know what I am considering?
An unfinished thought is something worth sharing.
For the A.A. nerds: As Bill Sees It, No. 289, “When Conflicts Mount.”