April 7
Coming Back Quietly
After missing several meetings, returning can feel more complicated than staying away. We imagine questions, worry that people are disappointed, and rehearse an explanation that never sounds adequate. Each absent week seems to require a longer speech. The effort we put into preparing our return can become another way of postponing it, while the people we picture judging us may simply be hoping we are all right.
Rejoining a familiar room need not begin with a defense of our absence. We can greet someone, listen, and let an ordinary conversation occur. If an explanation is needed with a trusted person, there will be a way to offer it honestly. Shame tends to make reunion look ceremonial and difficult. Fellowship often meets us through smaller things: a nod, an available chair, somebody asking whether we want coffee. We can allow the actual welcome to replace the one we feared.
What story about returning may be keeping me away?
The first hello need not contain the whole explanation.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Five; As Bill Sees It, No. 83, “We Cannot Live Alone.”