March 13
Waiting to Want It
There are changes we approve of in principle and keep postponing in practice. We will stop joining the gossip when we feel less awkward about going quiet. We will tell the truth when we can do it without blushing. We will loosen our grip when uncertainty no longer bothers us. The conditions sound reasonable until we notice that they require the discomfort of change to disappear before change begins.
Willingness may show itself before enthusiasm does. We can feel the pull of an old habit and still leave one sentence unsaid. That does not mean our character has been transformed in an afternoon. It means we have allowed a different possibility to enter our conduct. Prayer can accompany the awkwardness instead of being measured by its disappearance. Waiting until we thoroughly enjoy the right thing may keep us waiting longer than we need to.
Where am I expecting willingness to feel more comfortable than it does?
An awkward beginning is still available.
For the A.A. nerds: Alcoholics Anonymous, “Into Action,” p. 76; Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Six.