What Do I Do Now?

Wanting a drink does not mean you have to take one. But this is probably not the moment to prove how strong you are by yourself.

Put another recovered alcoholic between you and the first drink. Tell the truth in one sentence: "I want to drink and I need to talk." You do not need to make it sound better than it is.

If you can, move your body toward recovery while your thinking catches up: call someone, get around sober people, get to a meeting, or ask another AA member to stay with you for a while.

1. Call your sponsor. If there is no sponsor or the sponsor does not answer, call someone from My People or another AA member you know. Keep going until you reach a live person. Say exactly what is happening. If one call is not answered, try the next person.
2. Get around AA. Find an in-person, online, or phone meeting you can attend now or soon. If nobody you know answers, move toward a real meeting rather than waiting on a voicemail.
3. Change your location if that helps. Move away from alcohol, a bar, a liquor store, or a situation where drinking is easy. Go somewhere safer and less private.
4. Keep the decision small. You do not have to solve the rest of your life right now. Deal with the next hour without drinking and stay connected while you do it.
5. When the immediate urge settles, talk with your sponsor or another experienced member about what led up to it.

Do this. Next step Show all steps

Anger can contain useful information. Resentment is what often happens when we keep feeding the story after the event is over.

The point here is not to pretend the other person was right, excuse harmful behavior, or force yourself to feel peaceful. The useful AA question is: What is happening inside me, and what part of this belongs on my side of the street?

Nothing typed here is saved or sent. Each answer disappears when the page closes.

1. Who or what am I angry with?
2. What happened — just the facts, without arguing the case?
3. What is being threatened or affected in me? Self-esteem? Security? Ambition? Personal relationship? Money? Pride? Something else?
4. What am I tempted to do because I am angry?
5. If I wait before acting, what becomes possible?
6. Is there something on my side I need to own, discuss, or make right?
7. Is this actually a safety issue? If yes, use the safety path rather than turning it into self-inventory.

• Tell another AA member what happened before acting on it.
• If appropriate, write the resentment down instead of rehearsing it mentally.
• Ask what fear, injury, expectation, or demand may be underneath the anger.
• Delay retaliation, confrontation, social-media posting, quitting, or other irreversible action until you have talked with someone trustworthy.
• If you discover your own wrong, consider whether an admission or amends belongs later — not as an impulsive way to make the feeling disappear.

Inventory is not a requirement to tolerate abuse, harassment, threats, stalking, violence, theft, or other unsafe or criminal behavior. If someone is endangering you or another person, get help from trusted people and appropriate authorities.

Fear often asks us to live in a future that has not happened yet. Sometimes the fear points to a real problem; sometimes it is prediction, imagination, or the old habit of trying to control every outcome.

You do not have to decide whether the fear is "reasonable" before taking a useful action. Start by separating what is true now from what you are predicting.

What I know right now: ________

What I am predicting, imagining, or trying to control: ________

Then ask:

• Is there an action I can responsibly take today?
• Is there something I need to ask another person instead of guessing?
• Is there something here that belongs to prayer rather than planning?
• Is this a real safety problem that needs immediate practical help?

• Call a sponsor or AA member and say the fear out loud.
• Take one concrete action that addresses the part you can actually influence.
• If no action is available right now, postpone the imaginary argument with tomorrow.
• Use prayer or meditation in whatever form is meaningful to you.
• If fear is connected to immediate danger, abuse, medical symptoms, or self-harm, use appropriate professional or emergency help rather than treating it only as a spiritual problem.

Isolation can feel safe because nobody can bother us there. It also means nobody can reach us there.

You do not have to become social, cheerful, or talkative. The goal is smaller: stop being completely alone with your own thinking.

• Send one honest message: "I've been isolating. Can I talk to you for a few minutes?"
• Go to a meeting even if you plan to sit quietly.
• Arrive a little early or stay a few minutes afterward and say hello to one person.
• If leaving home feels like too much, join an online or phone meeting or call another member.
• If you have been avoiding someone because there is something you need to own or discuss, do not solve it alone in your head; take it to your sponsor first.

Feeling guilty does not automatically tell us what the right repair is. Sometimes an immediate apology is appropriate. Sometimes we need to understand what we actually did, whether anyone else could be harmed by our attempt to fix it, and whether we are trying to relieve our own discomfort more than repair the damage.

AA separates becoming willing from making direct amends for a reason.

Nothing typed here is saved or sent.

• What did I actually do or fail to do?
• Who was affected?
• What part is mine without explaining away my behavior?
• Am I tempted to confess something mainly so I will feel better?
• Could contacting the person now injure them or someone else?
• Do I need guidance before I act?

• Tell your sponsor or another experienced member the whole story, including the part that makes you look bad.
• If the issue is recent and simple, consider whether a prompt admission belongs under Step Ten.
• If the repair may involve money, relationships, sex, family, employment, legal issues, or another person's privacy, slow down and get experienced guidance.
• Do not use an amends to demand forgiveness, renewed contact, or a particular response.
• If someone is unsafe, abusive, or has asked for no contact, do not treat "making amends" as permission to cross boundaries.

This is an AA anchor for uncertainty, not relationship advice. The exercise below is original My AA Stuff material.

What happened: only observable facts.

The story in my head: what I think it means; what I think the other person feels; what I am predicting.

My part / my responsibility: what I said, did, avoided, expected, concealed, demanded, or failed to communicate.

Then ask:

• Have I actually asked the other person, or am I mind-reading?
• Am I trying to control their response?
• Do I need to set a boundary, make an admission, ask a question, or simply wait?
• Would it help to hear someone else's experience before I act?

If the situation includes threats, coercion, stalking, violence, sexual misconduct, financial exploitation, or another immediate safety problem, this is not merely a communication exercise. Seek appropriate help and involve trusted people or authorities where needed.

• Talk it through with your sponsor before making a major decision while emotionally charged.
• Ask one direct question instead of constructing ten imaginary answers.
• If you owe an admission, make the admission without attaching a demand.
• If no action is clear, pause rather than manufacture one. Use the page 87 practice above: ask for the right thought or action, then allow room for clarity before acting.

A sponsor is not a therapist, boss, guru, parent, parole officer, or substitute Higher Power. Sponsorship is one alcoholic sharing experience with another in working the AA program.

You do not have to identify the perfect sponsor before asking anyone. You need somebody you can begin talking with honestly about the Steps and staying sober.

These are not rigid qualifications. Local experience varies.

• They are sober and actively participating in AA.
• They have experience working the Steps.
• Their recovery looks like something you would like to learn from.
• They are willing to tell you the truth without trying to run your life.
• You can imagine being honest with them, including when you disagree.

• "I'm looking for a sponsor. Would you be willing to talk with me about sponsorship?"
• or
• "Would you sponsor me while I start working the Steps?"

A no does not mean you did anything wrong. They may already sponsor several people, have personal circumstances you know nothing about, or simply not be available. Ask another person.

• Go to meetings where people talk about the Steps and recovery, not only problems.
• Listen for people whose actions match what they say.
• Ask someone after the meeting rather than waiting for sponsorship to happen to you.
• If you need help today, ask for phone numbers even before you have a sponsor.

Meetings differ. Some are discussion meetings, some have a speaker, some study AA literature, and local customs vary. You do not need to perform AA correctly on your first visit.

• Arrive a few minutes early if you can.
• Sit wherever you are comfortable.
• If someone greets you, you can simply say it is your first meeting.
• You may be invited to introduce yourself; you can choose what to say.
• You do not have to tell your whole story.
• If you are asked to read something and do not want to, you can pass.
• The basket is voluntary.
• Listen for similarities instead of trying to decide whether everybody there is like you.
• If somebody's share speaks to you, consider introducing yourself afterward.

AA treats anonymity as an important privacy principle. Seeing someone you know in a meeting does not obligate you to explain why you are there. They are there for their own reason too.

The most useful first-meeting action may happen after the closing: tell one person, "This was my first meeting. What should I do next?"

AA membership and the Traditions do not require you to remain silent about harassment, threats, violence, theft, stalking, unwanted sexual behavior, or other unsafe conduct.

Possible actions

• Tell a trusted AA member what is happening.
• If appropriate, tell the group chair, secretary, GSR, or another trusted servant.
• Ask about the group's safety process or group conscience.
• Choose a different meeting while the issue is being addressed if that helps you stay safe.
• If a crime or immediate danger is involved, contact the appropriate authorities. Doing so is not an AA Traditions violation according to GSO safety guidance.
• If you are in immediate danger, call emergency services.

Physical safety comes before inventory, forgiveness, prayer, or looking at your part.

I need immediate help

AA contains human beings, which means AA also contains personality conflicts, bruised egos, misunderstandings, strong opinions, and people we would not necessarily have chosen as friends.

Before turning a difficult interaction into a verdict about the person, the group, or AA as a whole, it may help to ask:

• What actually happened?
• Have I spoken directly with the person when appropriate?
• Is there something on my side I need to own?
• Am I expecting an AA member to behave perfectly because they are in AA?
• Does this belong between two people, with my sponsor, or in a group conscience?
• Is this actually about a service decision rather than a personal relationship?

Next actions

• Talk with your sponsor or another experienced AA member who is not emotionally invested in the conflict.
• If appropriate and safe, speak directly rather than building a coalition.
• Keep personalities separate from service questions when possible.
• If the problem concerns group safety, finances, service authority, discrimination, or repeated disruptive behavior, use the group's conscience and appropriate service channels rather than expecting one member to solve it alone.

Spiritual disconnection does not always arrive as a dramatic crisis. Sometimes it looks like irritability, self-absorption, numbness, restlessness, or simply going through the motions.

You do not have to manufacture a spiritual feeling. The Step speaks about seeking conscious contact. Seeking is an action.

• Sit quietly for two minutes and ask only: "What would You have me do next?" Use whatever understanding of a Higher Power is yours.
• Read a short piece of AA literature slowly instead of trying to consume a whole chapter.
• Call another alcoholic and ask how they are doing; service can interrupt self-absorption.
• Attend a meeting and listen rather than evaluating it.
• Look at whether resentment, fear, dishonesty, or an unresolved wrong is making prayer difficult; if so, take that to inventory and another person.
• If your concept of a Higher Power is changing, talk about that honestly rather than pretending certainty.
• If all else fails, go help someone. Work with another alcoholic when the opportunity is there. If it is not, do something useful for another person: help a neighbor, carry something, make a kind call, or offer a sincere word to someone who may need it. Service can interrupt self-absorption without requiring a particular spiritual feeling first.