Sponsor Conversation Starter
What do you need to talk about?
You do not need a polished explanation before you call. Pick the area that is closest, take a few questions with you, and talk to a human being.
My People (saved on this device)
Steps
You do not need a polished explanation. Take any of these with you.
- Which Step are you actually working on right now?
- What part of it are you resisting, avoiding, or overcomplicating?
- What have you read in the Big Book or Twelve and Twelve about it?
- What action have you already taken, and what action are you avoiding?
- What do you need from your sponsor: experience, clarification, accountability, or simply someone to listen?
Call or message your sponsor. If you do not have one, call another experienced AA member you trust.
Where AA talks about this
- Questions & Answers on Sponsorship (Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.)
Fear
You do not need a polished explanation. Take any of these with you.
- What am I afraid will happen?
- What facts do I have, and what am I predicting?
- What am I trying to control that may not be mine to control?
- Is there one practical action I can take today?
- What would it look like to bring this fear to prayer and then act responsibly?
Call or message your sponsor. If you do not have one, call another experienced AA member you trust.
Resentment
You do not need a polished explanation. Take any of these with you.
- Who or what am I angry with?
- What actually happened, stripped down to facts?
- What have I been rehearsing in my head?
- What in me feels threatened, injured, demanded, or denied?
- Is there a safety issue here that should not be reduced to inventory?
Call or message your sponsor. If you do not have one, call another experienced AA member you trust.
Relationships
You do not need a polished explanation. Take any of these with you.
- What happened, and what story have I added to it?
- Have I asked the other person directly, or am I mind-reading?
- What do I want from this person right now?
- What part of my conduct or expectations belongs to me?
- Is there a boundary, admission, amends, or simply a pause that may be appropriate?
Call or message your sponsor. If you do not have one, call another experienced AA member you trust.
Amends
You do not need a polished explanation. Take any of these with you.
- What exactly did I do or fail to do?
- Who was affected?
- Am I trying to repair harm or only relieve my guilt?
- Could contacting this person now injure them or anyone else?
- What guidance do I need before I act?
Call or message your sponsor. If you do not have one, call another experienced AA member you trust.
Money
You do not need a polished explanation. Take any of these with you.
- What is the actual financial situation, without minimizing or catastrophizing?
- Where have fear, pride, avoidance, or dishonesty entered?
- What obligations are mine today?
- What can I do responsibly without making promises I cannot keep?
- Is there an amends or honest conversation that may eventually be needed?
Call or message your sponsor. If you do not have one, call another experienced AA member you trust.
Work
You do not need a polished explanation. Take any of these with you.
- What actually happened at work?
- Am I reacting to facts, fear, pride, or resentment?
- What responsibility is mine regardless of what others do?
- Is there a conversation I need to prepare for rather than rehearse angrily?
- What would practicing AA principles at work look like today?
Call or message your sponsor. If you do not have one, call another experienced AA member you trust.
Sex / romance
You do not need a polished explanation. Take any of these with you.
- What am I wanting from this relationship or situation?
- Am I being honest with myself and the other person?
- Is fear of being alone driving me?
- Am I using another person to change how I feel about myself?
- What would consideration, honesty, and responsibility look like here?
Call or message your sponsor. If you do not have one, call another experienced AA member you trust.
Service
You do not need a polished explanation. Take any of these with you.
- What service problem am I actually trying to solve?
- Is this about principles, personality, authority, or communication?
- What responsibility was actually given to me?
- Have I heard the group conscience or am I substituting my own preference for it?
- Who has useful service experience I can ask before acting?
Call or message your sponsor. If you do not have one, call another experienced AA member you trust.
Prayer / meditation
You do not need a polished explanation. Take any of these with you.
- What is making prayer or meditation difficult right now?
- Am I expecting a feeling instead of practicing an action?
- Is there resentment, fear, dishonesty, or unresolved conduct interfering with conscious contact?
- What has actually worked for me before?
- Would a simpler practice be more honest than forcing something elaborate?
Call or message your sponsor. If you do not have one, call another experienced AA member you trust.
Meeting problems
You do not need a polished explanation. Take any of these with you.
- Is this a personality conflict, a group issue, or a safety issue?
- What happened rather than what I think it means?
- Have I spoken to someone experienced who is not emotionally invested?
- Does this belong in a direct conversation, with my sponsor, or before the group conscience?
- Am I expecting one meeting or one member to represent all of AA?
Call or message your sponsor. If you do not have one, call another experienced AA member you trust.
Sponsorship itself
You do not need a polished explanation. Take any of these with you.
- What do I need from this sponsorship relationship that I am not saying out loud?
- Have I been honest with my sponsor about what is happening?
- Am I asking for guidance and then doing the opposite without talking about it?
- Is there a real boundary problem, or am I uncomfortable because I am being challenged?
- Would it help to discuss expectations directly rather than guessing?
Call or message your sponsor. If you do not have one, call another experienced AA member you trust.
Where AA talks about this
- Questions & Answers on Sponsorship (Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.)
I don’t know. I just need to talk.
You do not need a polished explanation. Take any of these with you.
- What has been taking up the most space in my head today?
- What feeling keeps returning?
- What am I avoiding telling another person?
- Is there anything I am afraid my sponsor will say?
- Can I simply start with: ‘I don’t know what’s wrong, but I need to talk’?
Call or message your sponsor. If you do not have one, call another experienced AA member you trust.
Nothing you type or choose here is saved or sent. It stays on this screen and disappears when you close or refresh the page.
This tool never tells you what your sponsor will say or what decision to make. It only helps you show up to the conversation.